Why is it so hard to be happy?
To feel happy?
To feel like you're grateful with this life that you're living.
Why?
All you have to do is pretend to live happy, to be happy in front of others, but the truth is that, you are not happy at all.
All you do is trying your best to look , be , feel happy .
I was once happy ,but I guess now that happiness in me vanished long time ago .
It had no longer existed since that day where you decided to leave me.
I, too, decided not to have you in my life and me in your life.
Now we're like total strangers
and me, here, still feeling horrible,sad,tired,lonely, missing & thinking about you while listening to some fcuking sad songs.
I don't know how long I've been carrying this fucked up broken hearted feeling .
I've tried a lot of ways to just forget about you.
I've tried being in a relationship with others.
I've tried accepting other guys how they treat me, how they liked me.
I've tried focusing on studies.
I've tried less korean stuffs around me.
I've tried deleting our memories together , but it kept coming, for example, my iPod suddenly appeared from no where, which I did not use it for years, had our pictures inside.
Now we have graduated from highschool,
I try to move somewhere far from you.
I decided to not study there, but here.
I decided to live & stay here, but just not there.
It has been my second month here or third month, I'm not sure,
I still think & miss you.
I hope after my school starts, I start getting busy, I will be able to forget about you bit by bit.
Not forget you completely, but just try not to think about you every night.
I can't forget you completely , because everytime I see korean boys dancing, you popped out in my mind. Especially when Exo dance.
Sigh.
How I miss you dancing in front of me. Whenever you know a new dance, you always show it to me.
Whenever you teased people too, you dance a lot. Haha how cute of you :')
I bet you learn a lot of new dances , since there are a lot of comebacks.
Sigh.
I've brought myself back, where I always loved about his personality and skills & him .
I realised whenever I say about him, like what I did just now, I feel, happy, just for that part.
Now my feelings are back, sigh.
Just fckthisshitmannnn.
I need my babes right now..
I miss talking about feelings with them, it's really different from expressing it through Whatsapp and shits.
Damn.
- 3rd June 13' ; 6AM -